Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
