I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
