Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
