She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
