i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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