K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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