In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
