If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
