I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
as a side note pls kill me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
