I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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