I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
