thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
