k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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