dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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