i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
