batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
