I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
