dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Never joke about your clitoris.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
