At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
