yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
