No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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