i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
