Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
