i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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