i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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