anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
