I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
