hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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