I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
