so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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