I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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