I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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