also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
