and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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