Need sex. Gaining weight.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
