im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
