please come you make the beer taste better
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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