This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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