it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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