He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
