Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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