went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
