so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
