Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
