Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
