I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
