I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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