yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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