dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
