This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
third nipple confirmed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
