i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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