K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
