My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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