I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
