Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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