we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
