I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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