Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
