Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
