I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
