I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
