:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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