I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
