i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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