woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So much Jack, so little girl.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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