Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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