First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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